Stuck in a moment, and I can't get out of it.

Ok. So.

I’m working on the script, right? And it’s, um, excruciating.

One of the ways that I work on the show is by listening to the recording that I made of it when I did it in January. I listen to the recording of myself doing the show while I'm on the subway in the mornings. And sometimes I laugh along with the audience at my own cleverness, but a lot of the time, I cringe and flinch when something doesn't land, or is rushed, or overexplained, or indulgent. It's a brutal way to start the day.

I have a lot of new respect for writers. You know what I think? I think it’s not that hard to be an actor. You put all these things out there, and you try your best, and you let all sorts of personal things show, but you’re with someone else, at least one other person who’s doing the same thing with you, and you’ve got a director holding you up and leading you along, and you have a script to follow and lean on, and it’s all in the service of something else, something that you (hopefully) think it true and good, but it’s all someone else’s true, so there's not a lot of risk.

Writing something, you can't deny that it belongs to you, and represents you. It's more personal, more revealing, more dangerous, and so so lonely.

I feel like I'm lost in the woods. I've never taken even one creative writing class. Ever. I don’t know any of the rules about structure or story, or how to start, or what to do next. I just keep listening to this recording of myself, and then I try to rewrite in a way that's less cringeworthy. But I get stuck, and frustrated, and demoralized. I feel like I’m just pitching myself out into the ocean and swimming around a little and then getting thrown back to shore again, and again and again.

Which is it, Elizabeth – the woods, or the ocean? Make up your mind.

You see what I mean?

Anyway. It has to be done. I wrote the show under a lot of time constraints last time, and got something finished. Now, I have the opportunity to make it exactly right. No excuses.

Well, one excuse. I don’t have that much time. Right now, I have a nice day job in publishing, and a nice acting job in an Off-Broadway show at night and on the weekends. Everything’s great! However, these are the times when I can work on the show: On the subway, backstage, and in bars.

Which is, you know, about right.

Back to work.